8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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