mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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