All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
