laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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