"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
