Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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