So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
