at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
