Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When are your genitals available?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
