his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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