So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
