Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
