That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
