I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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