I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
