So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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