i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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