atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
