Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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