Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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