i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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