it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
