THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
