Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
