forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
