it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
