they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
