Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
