it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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