Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Terrible idea I love it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
