You can't motorboat a personality
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
