I want to have your abortion
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She bit a glass in half.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
