Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize