a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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