So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
