I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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