your room smells of hookers.
And success
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
