dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
