i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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