so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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