the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
