I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
