We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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