Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
