Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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