he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
