Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
