I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
