Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
