Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
