did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
