You just made me feel so damn special
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
