Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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