So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize