my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
