can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
