Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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