i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
