it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize