Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
