i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
