It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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