Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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