Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
