I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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