So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
