i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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