Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
