I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
