3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
