Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
