i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I checked into jail on foursquare
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize