its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
