I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
