I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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